If I'm being perfectly honest, I've let my anxiety and depression get the best of me lately and even define who I am. I know it's something I'm always going to live with, but that doesn't mean it's something I have to be constantly thinking about. After all, the more you think of things the more power you're giving it. If all you think about is your mental illness, of course you're going to be experiencing the effects of it, constantly. You may not be able to get rid of it, but you can certainly make it worse just by your thoughts alone.

            I haven't really given myself a set of resolutions this year. I didn't sit down and think hard about what I wanted to change about myself and put it into a list (which is really unlike me because I'm super into lists). Instead over the last few winks I've been unintentionally thinking about little habits I want to build, subtle changes that might make bigger moves in my heart. The first one is to read more, I started a few weeks ago and I'm already on my third book one of which is hands down my new favorites. The second thing is to write more, which I've already been doing more and more of  the past few months, but I don't want that momentum to stop (I don't think it will, but you never know). And lastly, joy.

            I can be quite a negative person if I allow myself to be. It's not something I take pride in, or something I like to admit, and I tend to think I'm a positive person when it comes to other people. But when I'm by myself or in my head (and if we're talking about how I treat myself), I tend to be wrapped up in over thinking and anxiety and it becomes a very negative space to live within. I want to end this, or at least heal it in some way. I can heal physical afflictions (I've learned this more than anything the last few months, as a string of bad luck has made me sick and injured multiple times), so there's no reason why I can't heal my mental afflictions, too.

            Healing my mind is a little unfamiliar to me, so I'm sure it'll be a learning process. But I want to learn how to find joy in the little things, in fact I want to find joy entirely on it's own - without it being defined by things or occurrences. Although, I hope for the law of attraction, that the more joyful I am, the more joyful things will happen. Ultimately, I want to be able to find joy without looking at all. I hope to do this by creating art, writing, reading, stretching, taking care of myself, drinking water, doing yoga, meditating, and being kind to others and myself. Again, I'm not setting resolutions. I tend to fail at those. But I think if I make the conscious decision everyday when I wake up to chase joy, I think I'll finally have more good days than bad, and that's all I can ask for.

With love, S.

p.s. if you have an advice (especially from your own experience),

words of wisdoms, or self help and growth books to recommend, 

I'd love to hear from you in the comments below ☾