1. ARE MY ACTIONS GUIDED BY LOVE OR FEAR?
    
            Although I pray and pray that I'll be guided by love, I'm absolutely a slave to fear. Most of it stems from my anxiety and my overwhelming fear of failure and disappointing others. I have good days where my actions are guided by love and I'm filled with a peaceful heart over the things I'm pursuing because I'm doing it out of complete love and joy. But there are the other days that seem much more frequent when it feels like I'm mostly doing things just to keep from feeling anxious.

2. WHAT DO I THINK ABOUT WHEN I AM ALONE?

            Honestly, so many things. But I'm in this constant mindset of my potential. Of the type of person I feel I am in my soul but I don't always know how to express on the outside. My head is always stuck on the possibilities of things, the infinite directions choices can lead us. I'm also a terrible over thinker, so sometimes things get blown out of proportion. And I'm a huge daydreamer, my imagination is always going.

3. WHAT MOVIE MADE ME CRY THE MOST?

            Dude. So. Many. Movies. I am such a cry baby when it comes to movies and books and shows. I get way to invested in fictional stories and characters. My Girl. Me Before You. A Walk to Remember. 10 Things I Hate About You.

4. WHAT ARE THE BEST AND WORST PARTS OF MY PERSONALITY?

            The best thing: I always put other people's happiness and peace before me. I'm pretty empathetic about how other's are feeling and their experiences and I can't stand to be in a better state than those around me. I'll do anything to lift others up and make them feel important.

            The worst thing: Kind of goes along with the best thing, I'm really not at all a social butterfly and I'm not good at expressing myself. I tend to internalize everything and I'm really not good at conversation either. I can write about things all day long but as soon as I have to speak them my whole brain turns to mush. So as much as I do connect and empathize with others, I can't always express it and it never gets across the right way to the other person.

5. HOW WOULD MY PERFECT PARTNER TREAT ME?

            Someone who constantly guide's me towards God's grace as I will him. That's always in my mind been the one ideal I aspire to in my relationships, or rather a necessity to it. Someone who also pushes me to love myself, love others, and to work hard. And ultimately someone who is fiercely loyal and faithful.

6. WHAT TIMES AM I MOST INSPIRED?

            I'm always most inspired late, late at night, but even more so in the early morning. Weekend mornings are my absolute favorite because I can wake up with the sun, give time to my morning rituals, and in return I'm always super productive.

7. IF I DIDN'T KNOW HOW OLD I WAS WHAT WOULD I ASSUME?

            I've always been such an old soul and I'm such a homebody. So soulfully, probably a lot older. But appearance wise, I really still look like I'm a teenager.

8. WHEN DO I FEEL THE MOST LIKE MYSELF?

            Writing. Photography. Art. Traveling. I wrote about it in a lot of detail here, talking about all the things that made me feel most alive.

9. WHAT DOES LOVE FEEL LIKE?

            Everything on intensity. 

10. WHAT GOOD COMES FROM PAIN?

            I look back at the times where I was at my worst and in a lot of pain, and foremost I witness an abundance of growth. You can't grow from being comfortable and it's every bit true that you can't find beauty without knowing the ugly. 

11. WHAT IS WORST, FAILING OR NEVER TRYING?

            Hands down, never trying is so much worse. There's truly nothing more awful than wondering 'what if.' And ultimately success is impossible without failure. There's a lot of learning and growth through the failure. And that's coming from someone who is terrified of failure.

Dear Photography,

            Who would have thought that you would become my nearest and dearest companion. That I would take you everywhere with me. On every adventure, big and small, everyday of my life. You watched me grow up. You were there for me when I didn't even know that photography could be something more than beautiful, but embedded in me, a part of my very being. You were there in my childhood, when I didn't know how to appreciate such a connection. I never realized until many years later that you had a hold of me even then.

          One of my more vivid memories as a child was going canoeing with my family. I didn't know how to swim and I was overwhelmed with the fear that I'd manage to fall in. It wasn't until my dad handed me his old film camera, that I looked through the view finder and other else mattered. I know now that was the spark. Do you remember how awful the pictures were? Blurry, horribly composed...looking back, I have no idea what I was even aiming for half the time when I clicked the shutter.

            My entire life, I've been nothing short of a creative soul. As a child, I did everything under the sun that pertained to creating. I played make-believe, constructing my own little stories and universes, with the imagination of endless possibilities. I loved arts and crafts and I absolutely adored music. As I got older I began to read and write. I learned piano and guitar, and I loved to sing and dance. I did anything to share a bit of that rare beauty with the world.

            But it wasn't until you came along, Photography, that the world made perfect sense to me, that you and I were somehow meant to find each other. As I got older you became not just my way of looking at the world, but a way to hold onto it and an entirely new art form to fall in love with. My camera became a part of me and it never left my side. I set out to learn as much as I could about you and we ran wild.

            You became my obsession and it was because of you that I began to look at the world in a whole new way. You inspired me. You taught me to see beauty in everything, that it was all about perspective. I've gotten so many opportunities out of having you in my life. You've taught me to dream bigger and I thank you for that.

           And just so you know, it's just the beginning for us, my love. I already have great plans for us, just as I'm sure we will find something magnificent and unexpected around every corner. But if there's anything I know, Photography, is that you and I can do anything we set our hearts and minds to. And I don't think any of it would be possible without you, and I love you for that.

            Today, I want to encourage you to grab a pen, sit down with a notebook and begin writing a list (you will soon learn that I am a huge fan of lists). I want you to write down a list of all the things you would rather be than pretty. We spend so much time obsessing over how we look. And while there's nothing wrong with dedicating some time to work on your appearance, I think too often we become concerned with this idea that we are defined by our appearance - to the point that other things aren't as important. And that just shouldn't be the case... I found this exercise, and I instantly fell in love with the idea. Every word I wrote down, I gave thought. Each word has power to me, and each word I hope to embody.

THINGS I'D RATHER BE THAN PRETTY

  brave
  nurturing
  conscientious
  smart
  empathetic

  humble
  ambitious
  devoted
  polite
  free-spirited
  kind
  self-disciplined
  captivating
  inspiring
  loyal
  philanthropic
  loving
  open-minded
  philosophical
  generous
  trustworthy
  funny
  engaging
  wise
  soulful
  driven
  adventurous
  well-read
  creative
  determined
  charitable
  thoughtful
  hard-working
  intuitive
  encouraging
  gracious