the last few weeks have had me a little out of touch, nothing feels real. but despite the seriousness of the situation and despite my anxieties over it, i am someone who firmly believes in making the best out of any situation, especially the ones out of our control. and this is definitely something that is entirely out of our control. there's an art form, i think, to living slowly  and if we let go of our fears, i think we can find in this time a purpose. i don't do well with letting big things like this happen without big lessons. i hope during this time i can learn how to live slow and have peace about it and i hope when we get our world back, i won't take it for granted. i hope i'll try new things, go places i've never gone before, hug people... But for now, I hope I'll find beauty in simple things, that i'll reconnect with myself and my home, that i'll cherish what i do have...

putting all anxieties about this pandemic aside, i want to focus on the good today. being in quarantine and practicing social distancing can be isolating and easily detrimental to mental illnesses that many of us go through. it's easy to let your situation control your emotions, but if you open your heart there is also endless opportunities for you to take control simply by changing your mindset and actions.



one | reconnect with yourself
chances are you've let go of yourself lately, you're unfamiliar with your emotions, your dreams, because you've been so focused on the outside world. take this time to reconnect with your heart. don't stay in bed all day, turn on music and dance so you can learn your body again. teach yourself something new to reconnect with your mind again.

two | reconnect with your passions
maybe there's words in your brain you have to get out on paper or maybe it's been a few months or longer since you've picked up your guitar. whatever you're passionate about, you now have time to make that a priority again.

three | cherish your home
you are beyond fortunate enough to live in a home, so take this time to be completely grateful for it. make your home a magical space again. paint a wall, make a new piece of art work, reorganize your pantry, clean your room, declutter your closet.

four | practice gratitude
i think a lot of us are focusing on what we've lost, and letting the anxieties of it's consequences get the best of us, but that's exactly it - these things are out of your control. your mindset, however, is entirely in your control. practice gratitude for your health, for phone calls with your loved ones, for this life. you've never been promised tomorrow, this hasn't changed.

                                          You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
                                                                                            - Gandhi

            Those words have always resinated with me. As if from the first time I read them, something pulled from deep within my soul, outward. That's where my purpose lies, that's who I'm meant to be. Whatever this change is in the world that I seek, whatever desire I have to be positive impact, no matter how small, is found in these words.

            It all rests on my actions. Before anything I'm a truth seeker and probably a bit of an empath, too. These truths don't lie in what can always be seen, but from what can be felt and experienced. Empathy has taught me not only to see things from other perspectives - the joy, pain, and chaos of others no matter how different they are from me - but to also realize the alternate paths. There is a path that I am not on that is necessary. It's easy to live within my comfort zone, to do what I've always done because after all I've survived that way and the world does not seem to be effected negative by it.

            But how can I possibly want better things for myself and for the world, if I'm not willing to change myself? Leo Tolstoy wrote,

                                   Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

            I've always had a calling towards caring about the earth and it's creatures, I think we all innately do, I think that's very much a part of being human. I've stumbled upon a whole new entire way of living in which by making small decisions every day I can greatly impact the world, all while actively and consciously loving the world and it's creatures as I've always claimed I do. My choices have an effect on the world and hopefully they might inspire others to change, to..

            I'm on a slow, intentional path towards a vegan lifestyle. It isn't my first experience with this way of living. In high school I was a vegetarian for the right reasons but unfortunately I also had a horrible relationship with my body and with food so I went about it entirely wrong. Then about a year ago I decided to go vegan, for the same reasons that I'm on this path now, but I went about it, again, the entirely wrong way. I cut everything out at once and I placed a lot of pressure on myself to be all or nothing. That if I were going to have a vegan diet, I couldn't fail and meanwhile should be taking all other steps towards a vegan and sustainable lifestyle. This is unrealistic and unhealthy, especially in one step. Completely changing your lifestyle, I've learned from both experience and research, is a process. I'm learning to be patient with myself, forgiving, and as a result I'm becoming passionate about this journey.

            This realization came to me about a month ago and not entirely on my own. I watched a lot of vlogs and read a lot of blogs of people's experiences with their transition and with almost all advice I received was to be easy on yourself and to take it slow. I decided to first focus on my eating habits. Before I did anything else, I cut out foods that I knew were effecting my health. Primarily milk and cheese, that I already suspected made me feel sick. As soon as I cut those things out, I felt so much better. Next I cut out red meat and pork and eggs. I almost never ate pork anyways and even though I ate red meat and egg sometimes, that transition has been fairly easy, too. Next I want to slowly remove poultry from my diet as well as cut out unhealthy drinks.

            Following that I will continue to cut food groups out until I'm eating entirely plant based. I'm taking this journey slowly and I'm really learning to listen to my body. That's another thing I've discovered in all my research and listening to  advice about adapting to this lifestyle, not only is it about connecting deeper with the world, it's about connecting deeper with yourself. There's an intuition you build from it that leads you to a better understanding. This decision, I'm learning, is entirely life changing, but mostly in the ways that you don't expect. There's so much to learn by stepping out of your comfort zone and by following your heart. I'm so excited for this journey and to share it with others.

            When I dream, I dream impossible things.

            Sometimes at three a.m. I'm still awake. Wide eyed, thinking. Sometimes it's anxious, overthinking, sometimes it's imagining impossible things like standing in front of a glacier, publishing a book, standing in the Louvre in Paris, starting my own sustainable, vegan business.

             So I dream impossible things, I can't help it. I can't imagine doing just one thing, I want to serve people, I want to make art, I want to travel, I want to try new things, I want to build a business with my best friend, I want to build a darkroom and teach the dying art of film photography to as many people as I can.

             A few months ago I had a string of nights where I couldn't sleep and it got to the point where I couldn't rest until I got everything that was in my head onto paper. I rationalize things better when it's on paper rather than just stuck in my head, and everything I wrote down that night were things I wanted to do...

- adopt a plant based/vegan diet
- take yoga more seriously, become a certified instructor
- own a holistic wellness store with my best friend - also make it sustainable, eco-friendly, vegan
- start shooting in film again, build a dark room, teach others film
- learn spanish
- learn sign language
- travel
- travel
- travel
- see a glacier
- blog more
- make lots of art
- love others
- run a gallery, or sell art, others and my own
- flip a house
- learn to cook and bake
- learn how to use chopsticks, properly
- have a healthy relationship with my body (and my mind)
- save money
- drink water only
- write a book
- publish a book
- go to Alaska
- go to Spain again
- truly, truly love myself and others

            I also have dreams for others, for fortitude, perseverance, love... I have dreams for the world, that we can save it, work against the damage we've created. These things sometimes seem impossible, too, to me, but I'm always going to work for them, even if just to keep the sleepness nights away...

            And to quote Taylor Swift: don't you see starlight? don't you dream impossible things?
                                  So what are some "impossible" dreams of yours?