You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
                                                                                            - Gandhi

            Those words have always resinated with me. As if from the first time I read them, something pulled from deep within my soul, outward. That's where my purpose lies, that's who I'm meant to be. Whatever this change is in the world that I seek, whatever desire I have to be positive impact, no matter how small, is found in these words.

            It all rests on my actions. Before anything I'm a truth seeker and probably a bit of an empath, too. These truths don't lie in what can always be seen, but from what can be felt and experienced. Empathy has taught me not only to see things from other perspectives - the joy, pain, and chaos of others no matter how different they are from me - but to also realize the alternate paths. There is a path that I am not on that is necessary. It's easy to live within my comfort zone, to do what I've always done because after all I've survived that way and the world does not seem to be effected negative by it.

            But how can I possibly want better things for myself and for the world, if I'm not willing to change myself? Leo Tolstoy wrote,

                                   Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

            I've always had a calling towards caring about the earth and it's creatures, I think we all innately do, I think that's very much a part of being human. I've stumbled upon a whole new entire way of living in which by making small decisions every day I can greatly impact the world, all while actively and consciously loving the world and it's creatures as I've always claimed I do. My choices have an effect on the world and hopefully they might inspire others to change, to..

            I'm on a slow, intentional path towards a vegan lifestyle. It isn't my first experience with this way of living. In high school I was a vegetarian for the right reasons but unfortunately I also had a horrible relationship with my body and with food so I went about it entirely wrong. Then about a year ago I decided to go vegan, for the same reasons that I'm on this path now, but I went about it, again, the entirely wrong way. I cut everything out at once and I placed a lot of pressure on myself to be all or nothing. That if I were going to have a vegan diet, I couldn't fail and meanwhile should be taking all other steps towards a vegan and sustainable lifestyle. This is unrealistic and unhealthy, especially in one step. Completely changing your lifestyle, I've learned from both experience and research, is a process. I'm learning to be patient with myself, forgiving, and as a result I'm becoming passionate about this journey.

            This realization came to me about a month ago and not entirely on my own. I watched a lot of vlogs and read a lot of blogs of people's experiences with their transition and with almost all advice I received was to be easy on yourself and to take it slow. I decided to first focus on my eating habits. Before I did anything else, I cut out foods that I knew were effecting my health. Primarily milk and cheese, that I already suspected made me feel sick. As soon as I cut those things out, I felt so much better. Next I cut out red meat and pork and eggs. I almost never ate pork anyways and even though I ate red meat and egg sometimes, that transition has been fairly easy, too. Next I want to slowly remove poultry from my diet as well as cut out unhealthy drinks.

            Following that I will continue to cut food groups out until I'm eating entirely plant based. I'm taking this journey slowly and I'm really learning to listen to my body. That's another thing I've discovered in all my research and listening to  advice about adapting to this lifestyle, not only is it about connecting deeper with the world, it's about connecting deeper with yourself. There's an intuition you build from it that leads you to a better understanding. This decision, I'm learning, is entirely life changing, but mostly in the ways that you don't expect. There's so much to learn by stepping out of your comfort zone and by following your heart. I'm so excited for this journey and to share it with others.

            When I dream, I dream impossible things.

            Sometimes at three a.m. I'm still awake. Wide eyed, thinking. Sometimes it's anxious, overthinking, sometimes it's imagining impossible things like standing in front of a glacier, publishing a book, standing in the Louvre in Paris, starting my own sustainable, vegan business.

             So I dream impossible things, I can't help it. I can't imagine doing just one thing, I want to serve people, I want to make art, I want to travel, I want to try new things, I want to build a business with my best friend, I want to build a darkroom and teach the dying art of film photography to as many people as I can.

             A few months ago I had a string of nights where I couldn't sleep and it got to the point where I couldn't rest until I got everything that was in my head onto paper. I rationalize things better when it's on paper rather than just stuck in my head, and everything I wrote down that night were things I wanted to do...

- adopt a plant based/vegan diet
- take yoga more seriously, become a certified instructor
- own a holistic wellness store with my best friend - also make it sustainable, eco-friendly, vegan
- start shooting in film again, build a dark room, teach others film
- learn spanish
- learn sign language
- travel
- travel
- travel
- see a glacier
- blog more
- make lots of art
- love others
- run a gallery, or sell art, others and my own
- flip a house
- learn to cook and bake
- learn how to use chopsticks, properly
- have a healthy relationship with my body (and my mind)
- save money
- drink water only
- write a book
- publish a book
- go to Alaska
- go to Spain again
- truly, truly love myself and others

            I also have dreams for others, for fortitude, perseverance, love... I have dreams for the world, that we can save it, work against the damage we've created. These things sometimes seem impossible, too, to me, but I'm always going to work for them, even if just to keep the sleepness nights away...

            And to quote Taylor Swift: don't you see starlight? don't you dream impossible things?
                                  So what are some "impossible" dreams of yours?

            This week I did something I haven't done in years. I painted (and actually finished) a painting. And although I'm sure I'll look back and realize how poor of a job I did, today when I look at it I'm actually really, really proud of it.

            And beyond that, I simply loved how it felt to paint again.


            I've always felt a deep connection with art. I come from a family full of drawers, painters, potters, carvers, writers, musicians... Think of something creative, and there's someone in my family that's likely mastered it. But I've always held myself back. I mean, I was creative at every opportunity, but I never believed in myself. I've always seen so much more talent in my family than in me...and to this day I'm still so intimated by their talent.

            But I got to thinking... Most of them have been doing art their whole lives, they didn't make a business of it or even become successful at it over night. They applied themselves, spending hours a day dedicating their time to their craft.

            I had a strong urge to watercolor. I honestly had no idea what I was doing. When I was younger my aunt taught me some about it, and I'm sure I learned more about it in the dozen of art courses I took though out my schooling, but sitting their with a blank paper, a coffee mug filled with water, and my new paints, I felt clueless. But I absolutely loved it once the brush hit the paper, I loved the freedom of it. I loved how you could manipulate every curve and edge of paint even after it had dried. I just kept adding color and water until it became something I was happy with...


            I decided then that art was something I wanted to again make a priority. And I have been, I've been crafting more, drawing more, painting...and I've honestly felt more like myself than I have in a long time...